Week 8

Week 8

Today Is: December 25, 2015 
How far long: 8 weeks 
Baby is the Size of: Raspberry 
Weight Gain: 0 pounds
Stretch Marks: Nope
Maternity Clothes: Nope, but wearing loose tops  
Sleep: Still waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom 
Best Moment this Week: Spending quality time with family for Christmas 
Worst Moment this Week: Getting a cold and can't taste anything :(  
Miss Anything: Just being able to taste :( 
Cravings: Broccoli cheddar soup 
Queasy or sick: Got a cold this week 
Symptoms:  Heartburn  
Have You Started Showing Yet: No
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy 
Looking Forward To: Seeing the baby next week for our first ultrasound! 

Love our new Christmas ornament! Merry Christmas everyone! 

Week 7

Week 7

Today Is: December 17, 2015 
How far long: 7 weeks 
Baby is the Size of: Blueberry 
Weight Gain: 0 pounds
Stretch Marks: Nope
Maternity Clothes: Not yet
Sleep: Waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom 
Best Moment this Week: Last week of school before Winter Break! Really looking forward to sleeping in :) 
Worst Moment this Week: Nothing
Miss Anything: Raw sushi
Cravings: Sparkling Water 
Queasy or sick: None
Symptoms:  Heartburn 
Have You Started Showing Yet: No
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy 
Looking Forward To: Christmas 

Telling our family

December 4, 2015

We were very lucky to have my dad, my sister and brother-in-law in town for Thanksgiving. So we told them over a toast. We wanted to tell John's family right away, but we knew we were going to see them the following weekend so we had to quietly wait to tell them. Over the week we ordered these "Grandpa" and "Grandma" books. When we went up to Raleigh that weekend to see his family, it was suppose to be a surprise to his dad and a little belated birthday celebration for him. So it was no surprise to them that we had a gift to bring to them.

When they went to open it up… that was the surprise. They were a little confused. They weren't sure what the books meant. Part of them thought we were giving them the books so they could read it to their granddaughter, Teagan (which of course they can). We then told them that I was pregnant. His family was very very excited!

When we got back from Raleigh, I FaceTimed with Joelle and told her. Then, I sent the announcement picture to my mom via text message. I then called her right away and told her I sent her a text message and needed her to read it. It was very funny because in the meantime for when she was getting her phone and putting her glasses on she was telling me that my aunt told her that she had a dream about me and that I was pregnant. Pretty freaky, huh? Once she was able to read the message on the chalkboard she started to scream and was very excited!

How I told John…

November 26, 2015

So today is the day I was suppose to get my period. It was very hard for me to sleep last night knowing that I was going to take a pregnancy test in the morning. So as soon as I woke up I took a pregnancy test. To be honest, I was not expecting it to be positive. We have been trying for the last 6 months and we haven't been successful. 

This was actually the first month that I didn't track my ovulation and just relaxed. I actually signed up for disability insurance to cover my absence of pay for when I do go on maternity leave… but the catch is that it wouldn't be in effect until January 2016. So if we got pregnant before that it would be considered a preexisting condition and it wouldn't be covered. Obviously, we weren't trying to conceive this month so we would get the coverage and volia we get pregnant! 

I have had this "New Daddy's Toolbox" made back in July when John and I started trying again. I bought a bunch of "Daddy love me" types of books. This way John is able to read these books to the baby any time :) Also, in the "toolbox" are diapers, hand sanitizer and small size baby wash, baby shampoo and baby powder. It was so cute watching John read all the books. I could say that he is as excited as me to start reading to our little peanut. 

We're Pregnant!

November 26, 2015

Words cannot express how excited John and I are for our new bundle of joy! After 6 months of trying we can finally say that we are expecting again!!!! We would love for all your prayers to make it to full term this time around. Finding out that we were pregnant on Thanksgiving was such a great feeling. We were truly thankful this year :)

Due Date

November 17, 2015

Well, today is the day. Our baby's due date. The day I've been dreading since I first found out in May that we had a miscarriage. Everyone says that it would get easier… "At least you know that you can get pregnant…"  To some people, I haven't lost anything except an idea, but to me I feel like I've lost everything.

I know that most people don't deliver on their due date. Today, the due date is a symbolic thing to me. It is the day that my baby was suppose to be born. It was the day my life was suppose to change forever. But there is no baby and no birthday.

When I first found out I was pregnant, the due date seem like it was so far away and it would be forever until I would meet my baby. When the baby was taken away from me in May, nothing has prepared me for what the past 6 months would be like. I thought by my due date that I would feel better than I am… more normal. I thought I would be expecting another bundle of joy.

Well it is officially here… still don't' feel normal and still no new bundle of joy. Yes, I am not as sad as I was 6 months ago. I have accepted the fact that the baby is gone and there isn't anything I can do about it. Yes, I am not crying every night about it. But the sadness is still there.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about what could have been. Especially seeing all the other people who were due around my time giving birth to their bundles of joy, or new pregnancy announcements that made it past my time period.

There are days and sometimes weeks that go by that I don't cry about the situation and then all of a sudden I just break down. The pain is still real. It is hard to say goodbye when I was never given a chance to even say hello. Sometimes, I just feel alone in the world.

I still remember the day I woke up in the middle of the night, alone, scared and in pain. The sharp pains that I have never felt before and the reality that my baby is no longer with me. The constant doctors appointment and pricks for blood test to confirm the miscarriage.

I wish I was able to save the baby. I wish there was something that I could do. There is nothing magical I can say or anyone can say to me. Nothing that will make it better. But I guess today is the day that I can finally say goodbye. But it won't be forever. Until I meet my little Angel again in Heaven.

So to my little Angel in Heaven,

Mommy loves you so much. I cherished all the time we had together and I love you more than anything here on Earth. You were such a blessing to me. You'll never know how much I love you.

Follow-up from the Ultrasound

October 29, 2015

I got my first ultrasound yesterday to check out how everything healed after the miscarriage. Unfortunately, the technician told me that she wasn't going to be able to give me any results. I was going to have to wait for my doctor to talk to me about it. I wasn't surprised this was the procedure.

So during the examine the technician wanted to talk and we discussed the miscarriage. She said I was brave and tough to have gone though the miscarriage naturally & at home. She even commented, "Weren't you in a lot of pain?" I told her, "Yeah! I realized after going through it that I could never give birth without an epidural because if I was in so much pain now I couldn't even imagine child birth!" We both had a good laugh with that. I knew if I went to the hospital they couldn't really do anything for me besides giving me pain meds since I didn't want to do a D&C.

Well the results came back the next day & I was told that everything was "Within Normal Limits." So that was a good result. It has made me less worried that there were complications internally with the miscarriage. But now the question is... Why have we had issues conceiving? I personally don't think I've been putting too much stress on my body about conceiving, but everyone I talk to says I am... So I'm going to take a month of two off from "stressing" about it. So I'm not going to track anything & just let everything go. So I guess we will see if that will work.

In the next few weeks will be a little tough because November 17th was my predicted due date. Hopefully everything goes smoothly that day for me.