Week 8

Week 8

Today Is: December 25, 2015 
How far long: 8 weeks 
Baby is the Size of: Raspberry 
Weight Gain: 0 pounds
Stretch Marks: Nope
Maternity Clothes: Nope, but wearing loose tops  
Sleep: Still waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom 
Best Moment this Week: Spending quality time with family for Christmas 
Worst Moment this Week: Getting a cold and can't taste anything :(  
Miss Anything: Just being able to taste :( 
Cravings: Broccoli cheddar soup 
Queasy or sick: Got a cold this week 
Symptoms:  Heartburn  
Have You Started Showing Yet: No
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy 
Looking Forward To: Seeing the baby next week for our first ultrasound! 

Love our new Christmas ornament! Merry Christmas everyone! 

Week 7

Week 7

Today Is: December 17, 2015 
How far long: 7 weeks 
Baby is the Size of: Blueberry 
Weight Gain: 0 pounds
Stretch Marks: Nope
Maternity Clothes: Not yet
Sleep: Waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom 
Best Moment this Week: Last week of school before Winter Break! Really looking forward to sleeping in :) 
Worst Moment this Week: Nothing
Miss Anything: Raw sushi
Cravings: Sparkling Water 
Queasy or sick: None
Symptoms:  Heartburn 
Have You Started Showing Yet: No
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy 
Looking Forward To: Christmas 

Telling our family

December 4, 2015

We were very lucky to have my dad, my sister and brother-in-law in town for Thanksgiving. So we told them over a toast. We wanted to tell John's family right away, but we knew we were going to see them the following weekend so we had to quietly wait to tell them. Over the week we ordered these "Grandpa" and "Grandma" books. When we went up to Raleigh that weekend to see his family, it was suppose to be a surprise to his dad and a little belated birthday celebration for him. So it was no surprise to them that we had a gift to bring to them.

When they went to open it up… that was the surprise. They were a little confused. They weren't sure what the books meant. Part of them thought we were giving them the books so they could read it to their granddaughter, Teagan (which of course they can). We then told them that I was pregnant. His family was very very excited!

When we got back from Raleigh, I FaceTimed with Joelle and told her. Then, I sent the announcement picture to my mom via text message. I then called her right away and told her I sent her a text message and needed her to read it. It was very funny because in the meantime for when she was getting her phone and putting her glasses on she was telling me that my aunt told her that she had a dream about me and that I was pregnant. Pretty freaky, huh? Once she was able to read the message on the chalkboard she started to scream and was very excited!

How I told John…

November 26, 2015

So today is the day I was suppose to get my period. It was very hard for me to sleep last night knowing that I was going to take a pregnancy test in the morning. So as soon as I woke up I took a pregnancy test. To be honest, I was not expecting it to be positive. We have been trying for the last 6 months and we haven't been successful. 

This was actually the first month that I didn't track my ovulation and just relaxed. I actually signed up for disability insurance to cover my absence of pay for when I do go on maternity leave… but the catch is that it wouldn't be in effect until January 2016. So if we got pregnant before that it would be considered a preexisting condition and it wouldn't be covered. Obviously, we weren't trying to conceive this month so we would get the coverage and volia we get pregnant! 

I have had this "New Daddy's Toolbox" made back in July when John and I started trying again. I bought a bunch of "Daddy love me" types of books. This way John is able to read these books to the baby any time :) Also, in the "toolbox" are diapers, hand sanitizer and small size baby wash, baby shampoo and baby powder. It was so cute watching John read all the books. I could say that he is as excited as me to start reading to our little peanut. 

We're Pregnant!

November 26, 2015

Words cannot express how excited John and I are for our new bundle of joy! After 6 months of trying we can finally say that we are expecting again!!!! We would love for all your prayers to make it to full term this time around. Finding out that we were pregnant on Thanksgiving was such a great feeling. We were truly thankful this year :)

Due Date

November 17, 2015

Well, today is the day. Our baby's due date. The day I've been dreading since I first found out in May that we had a miscarriage. Everyone says that it would get easier… "At least you know that you can get pregnant…"  To some people, I haven't lost anything except an idea, but to me I feel like I've lost everything.

I know that most people don't deliver on their due date. Today, the due date is a symbolic thing to me. It is the day that my baby was suppose to be born. It was the day my life was suppose to change forever. But there is no baby and no birthday.

When I first found out I was pregnant, the due date seem like it was so far away and it would be forever until I would meet my baby. When the baby was taken away from me in May, nothing has prepared me for what the past 6 months would be like. I thought by my due date that I would feel better than I am… more normal. I thought I would be expecting another bundle of joy.

Well it is officially here… still don't' feel normal and still no new bundle of joy. Yes, I am not as sad as I was 6 months ago. I have accepted the fact that the baby is gone and there isn't anything I can do about it. Yes, I am not crying every night about it. But the sadness is still there.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about what could have been. Especially seeing all the other people who were due around my time giving birth to their bundles of joy, or new pregnancy announcements that made it past my time period.

There are days and sometimes weeks that go by that I don't cry about the situation and then all of a sudden I just break down. The pain is still real. It is hard to say goodbye when I was never given a chance to even say hello. Sometimes, I just feel alone in the world.

I still remember the day I woke up in the middle of the night, alone, scared and in pain. The sharp pains that I have never felt before and the reality that my baby is no longer with me. The constant doctors appointment and pricks for blood test to confirm the miscarriage.

I wish I was able to save the baby. I wish there was something that I could do. There is nothing magical I can say or anyone can say to me. Nothing that will make it better. But I guess today is the day that I can finally say goodbye. But it won't be forever. Until I meet my little Angel again in Heaven.

So to my little Angel in Heaven,

Mommy loves you so much. I cherished all the time we had together and I love you more than anything here on Earth. You were such a blessing to me. You'll never know how much I love you.

Follow-up from the Ultrasound

October 29, 2015

I got my first ultrasound yesterday to check out how everything healed after the miscarriage. Unfortunately, the technician told me that she wasn't going to be able to give me any results. I was going to have to wait for my doctor to talk to me about it. I wasn't surprised this was the procedure.

So during the examine the technician wanted to talk and we discussed the miscarriage. She said I was brave and tough to have gone though the miscarriage naturally & at home. She even commented, "Weren't you in a lot of pain?" I told her, "Yeah! I realized after going through it that I could never give birth without an epidural because if I was in so much pain now I couldn't even imagine child birth!" We both had a good laugh with that. I knew if I went to the hospital they couldn't really do anything for me besides giving me pain meds since I didn't want to do a D&C.

Well the results came back the next day & I was told that everything was "Within Normal Limits." So that was a good result. It has made me less worried that there were complications internally with the miscarriage. But now the question is... Why have we had issues conceiving? I personally don't think I've been putting too much stress on my body about conceiving, but everyone I talk to says I am... So I'm going to take a month of two off from "stressing" about it. So I'm not going to track anything & just let everything go. So I guess we will see if that will work.

In the next few weeks will be a little tough because November 17th was my predicted due date. Hopefully everything goes smoothly that day for me.

Doctors Visit

October 13, 2015

Today I went to the doctors to request an ultrasound to check to make sure everything healed properly from the miscarriage. We have been trying for three months without being successful. We have even been using an ovulation tests. During these few months I've been trying to change things that I've been doing to promote a better chance of conceiving. The major changes is my excercise and diet. I continue to work out, but I have been cutting back a little on the amount of days and the intensity of my workout. Also, I've relaxed on the amount of calories and carbs I'm consuming. I've been trying not to stress myself out on my diet. Don't get me wrong, I'm not eating a crazy amount of carbs and extra calories but if one night for dinner it makes it easier to cook one meal for John and I that has pasta than a different meal for myself I will eat it. Additionally, I've cut back a lot on my tofu intake. After researching it, tofu is okay to eat when trying to conceive & while pregnant, it shouldn't be eaten on a daily basis in which I was doing.

After talking to the doctor he approved of the ultrasound. My appointment is October 28th. Crossing my fingers that we will hear good news and put my worries to rest.

Trying to stay positive gets harder each month

October 3, 2015

This try we tracked my ovulation and again I felt like this month would have been successful…. however, it was not successful. I keep hearing, that when it is the right time it will happen. It just is hard to keep hearing it. I know we have been trying for three months and that to some people isn't much time, but to me it is. I know I keep saying the same thing, when we tried the first time it wasn't this difficult so I was expecting the same thing.

I feel like the constant reminder that I am not pregnant anymore it what is getting to me. Just every day looking at myself reminds me, seeing other people at work pregnant that is due around the same times as I was and some of the mail and e-mails I received. Thursday, I received this package in the mail. It is a variety pack of baby formula that was mailed to me by the company because when I pregnant I signed up for a bunch of things.

Even the other day I was talking to some people and we were discussing Halloween costumes. Some how the conversation led to people who are pregnant with their funny Halloween costumes. Someone brought up about how there is a costume where you put legs and arms sticking out from your shirt and it makes it look like a baby is coming out of your stomach and I say,  "Yeah, I always wanted to do that." Their comment back was "Yeah, you just have to be pregnant first." It wasn't meant to be a hurtful thing, but since no one really knows that I had a miscarriage and that we are really trying to conceive again it did really hurt me. From this experience, I have learned that people might be going through hard times secretly and just little things you say can really hurt people more than you think.

Like I said before, I really thought since we tracked my ovulation that I would have been successful and I made a promise to myself that if it wasn't successful that I was going to go to the doctors. Yes, I know it has only been three months, but since the miscarriage I haven't had an ultrasound to make sure that everything has cleared up properly. I did have a physical examine with the doctor, but since I had the miscarriage naturally I always had a feeling "What if it wasn't cleared all the way? What if there is something blocking the tubes or something?"

When I was pregnant and didn't have any ultrasounds until week 12, there was always a feeling inside of me that "What if I wasn't really pregnant?" since I haven't fully seen the baby yet. I felt terrible feeling this way, but I didn't even hear a heart beat or anything at this moment. When I discuss this with John after the fact, he said maybe it was my body telling my brain that it wasn't going to work out and to get me ready for it. Well like before, I have a feeling that something hasn't cleared up and maybe I am just being a worry wart, but I would like to have my worries cleared up.

Being that it has only been three months of trying I am not sure if the doctors would even approve of an  ultrasound, but to me I rather try and ask instead of just sitting around worrying. In a few weeks I will see the doctor and I hope they will approve an ultrasound. So until then….

Time to Get Serious

September 14, 2015

So our second month of trying was unsuccessful. So now it is time to get really serious about being successful. I thought that it would be just as easy to get pregnant again since we didn't have really any issues last time. However, it hasn't been as easy so now we ordered ovulation kits so we can be as successful as we can.

The only hard thing is John's work schedule. With him being gone so often it is hard to plan it around my body. I only hope that we are lucky enough to have him home. Keeping our fingers crossed that with this extra help we will conceive soon!

Our First Attempt Was Unsuccessful

August 7, 2015

John and I decided to start trying again in July. This made me so happy. I figured it was easy for us to get pregnant the first time, so I was VERY confident that it would happen right away. My ovulation week was perfect timing because it was a week that John would be home a lot (another sign to me that this was going to be a successful try). I think we tried more this time than we have done any other time.

After my ovulation week, I really thought we were successful. I had more confidence this time than I did any other time. I thought I was seeing signs that I was pregnant… a little more fatigue than normal. When I was pregnant the first time I didn't have this or any signs that I was pregnant so another sign that I really thought I was pregnant. I know it was early, but I constantly had to go to the bathroom… some nights I wasn't having that great night of sleep (waking up in the middle of the night & couldn't go back to sleep).

I was so confident that I was pregnant that I started getting everything ready for me to surprise John that I was pregnant. I even picked up 6 pregnancy test to start testing as early as possible to find out that I was pregnant. I looked forward to every morning to test it. I even started saving ideas for my maternity photos, found three photographers in the area that I liked and researched their packages. I was even figuring out the dates that we could do the gender revel (if we decide to find out) and even figuring out the best time for the baby shower.

Every morning that I took the test it was negative. I didn't feel too upset because I remembered the first time I was pregnant I took a pregnancy test three days before I found out that I was pregnant and it was negative. So I figured the HCG levels this time still aren't high enough yet. Even the day that I was suppose to get my period and the test was negative I thought, well maybe my calculations for when I am suppose to get my period was off a day because the test was still negative and my period still didn't come.  Every time I went to the bathroom I was so excited because my period still didn't come and my period is always on time.

However, later that night I got period. So clearly all those negative pregnancy tests were correct. I was very, very sad. I really thought we were going to be successful. Maybe I was trying to be too much of a planner and stressed my body out a little too much, even though I didn't feel stressed. I just really thought this was going to be the perfect time. If this month was successful I would able to start all the doctors appointments necessary before school started again. This way I wouldn't have to wait until 12 weeks again to find out if I was still pregnant or not. I wish there was going to be a quicker way to have my first ultrasound, but according to the doctor I would still have to go through the whole long process again.

I know I have to relax and let God be in control. Some of the bible verses that I have helped me during this time are:

• Psalms 37:7: "Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.  Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes." I am not a fan of how the last sentence is stated because I don't think other people who are pregnant are wicked or evil. To me, the last sentence means those who get pregnant who aren't trying and/or feel like their pregnancy was a "Uh-Oh." That is the hardest part for me.. people who aren't trying and they get pregnant and don't have any issues versus someone like me who is trying and it doesn't happen or is trying a has a miscarriage. I would never wish for anything bad to happen to anyone during their pregnancy, even when it isn't planned. I just feel a little envious when they are pregnant, but this verse reminds me to just wait patiently for Him to act. 
• 2 Corinthians 4:18: "We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." and Mark 11:24-"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." These just reminds me to keep my faith, continue praying and God will answer my prayers when it is his time. 

Getting Bettter, Day After Day

June 12, 2015

Today is the day that I have been waiting for since the whole miscarriage started... I started my menstrual cycle! I know, normally women hate when they get it. I was looking forward to it coming because that is the first step for us to start a family again.

I was over the moon when I got my menstrual period and the first thing I did was to text John. Haha! I know... sending John that as a text must be wonderful, right? Well he was very happy to hear it because he also knew that this was the first step that needed to happen in order to start again. After I texted him, I texted my sister and talked to my mom. Yes, the whole family was looking forward to me getting my menstrual period :)

After all that, I redownloaded the fertility app that I used before. This way I know when I am ovulating. Everything is getting on the right track. Our plan is to wait maybe another month or two before we start trying again. Knowing that we can start soon has made me feel a lot better. It hasn't been easy still... every time someone announces a pregnancy or I see pregnant people I start to get a little envious. I know I shouldn't, but it is just happens. However, when I realize what I am doing I quickly stop and remind myself that I soon will be able to have a baby.

On a positive note, I have been having dreams that I was pregnant again and we weren't even trying. Positive thinking! It will happen! I even was able to finally erase the chalkboard entry that I made the day I was suppose to see the baby for the first time. The chalkboard has been in one of our guest bedrooms and I have been purposely avoiding that room so that I wouldn't see the chalkboard. Yet, knowing that I know I could start trying soon I finally had the strength to go into the room, see the chalkboard and erase the entry.

Hopefully, my next entry can be an announcement that we are expecting again! Positive thinking!!!

Follow-up With the Doctor

May 22, 2015

It has not been easy for me to understand and except this whole situation. When I look at myself, touch my stomach, see families it all reminds me of my loss. When I am driving to work, looking on Facebook and seeing people who are pregnant and even seeing strangers who are pregnant I get sad thinking about how I am no longer a mother.

Whenever I see someone who is pregnant I am secretly envious of them. Why are they so lucky to be able to have a child and I am not. What did I do wrong? I know it will eventually get easier to deal with it, but I will never forget. I will never forget the child that I could have held. I will never forget the child that I could have care for and loved. I just have to keep telling myself that God has a plan. Just wish I knew what his plan and reason was....

So I went to the doctor to have my follow-up visit after the miscarriage. It has been almost two weeks and the bleeding has finally stopped. I get to the nurse and she asks me what my visit is for. I tell her about having the miscarriage and she comments that she is also recently went through the same thing. She was very understanding and told me that it will get easier.

While the nurse was trying to figure out how to code this visit she commented that they have to code it as a spontaneous abortion. When I hear those words my heart breaks. Abortion??? No, this was not an abortion. I didn't have a choice in the matter. I wanted this baby. I wanted to be a mother and have a family. The baby was taken from me.

During my visit, I asked the doctor when we can start trying again. I was hoping she would say after having my first cycle. However, I wasn't lucky enough to hear that. She told me I should wait 3-4 months before we start trying. 3-4 MONTHS! I know I am young, I know 3-4 months isn't long, but it seems like a eternity to me. I hope these next few months fly by. I really just want to be pregnant. Even today, I still think about how many weeks I would be if I was pregnant (almost 14).

When I start to feel very sad, I look at some quotes that I have found. When I read them I still cry, but in some way, they help me feel better and accept the situation.

Worst Day of the Whole Process

 May 12, 2015

So the whole miscarriage process started on May 10th.... Mother's Day to be exact. How ironic right? The whole process has been manageable. Until today, when I wake up at 2 a.m. to go to the bathroom and notice that bleeding is VERY VERY bad. I have never seen so much blood in my life.

John was away at work and I was by myself. Being freaked out by all the blood I quickly call my mom to find out if this was normal and if I should go to the ER. Since I was alone, I was scared that I could pass out because I was losing so much blood. I decided to try to stick it out without going to the ER.

Trying to stick it out for an hour I quickly call John, who is at work and is sleeping because it is 3 a.m. in the morning to see if he was able to leave work to help me. He comes home a couple hours later and is by my side.

I really did not want him to see me this way and see everything that was going on because I wanted him to still be attracted to me and not see this me when he looks at me. But of course I couldn't stop him. He truly deserves to get the husband of the year award. He stayed in the bathroom with me since I was stuck in the tub and kept me company.

After being stuck in the tub for almost 8 hours the worst part of the process was finally ending. Without needing to ask he went to the store to get me some feminine products and lunch. He has been there the whole day to help and support me. I don't know how I got so lucky to have a great husband like him. 

My lovely family keeping me company while stuck in the bathroom

The Test Results

Today is the day... is my baby going to be a miracle and be there or was the doctor prediction correct and I lost the baby. John and I were trying to be positive and have been praying like crazy that the baby would be okay. I know our families were praying and if it was Gods will and plan the baby would be okay.

After speaking with the doctor, her predictions with my HCG levels decreasing was confirmed and I had a miscarriage. I had no words. I know it was going to be a miracle that there was an actual baby inside of me, but I still had hope. There are miracles that are performed every day! Why couldn't I be one of those people that gets a miracle. I believe I deserve it.

However, I wasn't. I know there is a reason why God did not want this baby to be born and why this was happening to us. We did everything that we could do to have a healthy pregnancy, but it just wasn't good enough.

As I sit and think, I wonder to myself... Why did my pregnancy last as long as it did? Why didn't I have the "complete" miscarriage before my 12 weeks? I came to the conclusion that God wanted me to be prepared for the miscarriage before it actually happened. I don't know how I would have felt if I woke up one day or even during the day I went to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding. Being prepared for it made this terrible situation a little easier. I was able to prepare myself for it to happen. Even though, a big part of me thought that a miracle could still happen.

My follow-up doctors appointment wasn't until 5/22, so I thought, if I didn't have the "complete" miscarriage maybe the results were wrong and I was still pregnant. If it was in Gods plan for me to have this baby then I wouldn't have the "complete" miscarriage and the doctor would schedule a new ultrasound to figure out what was happening and they would find the baby. I prayed and prayed that if I was suppose to have this baby I wouldn't have the "complete" miscarriage and the baby would be there when they did a new ultrasound. If it wasn't in the plan for me to have this baby then I prayed for the miscarriage to come sooner rather than later so I could be in peace.

On Sunday, 5/10/15, Mother's Day, my prayer was answered and I was not meant to have this baby. Part of me was relieved to have an answer, but the majority of me was very sad. I never imagined that this would happen to me. Talking about it has made it a little easier. I can talk about it now without breaking down crying... at least the majority of the time. Every day, I still think about the baby. When I see kids or touch my stomach it just reminds me of the baby.

John and I are hopeful for our future baby. We know when it is Gods plan for us to have a family it will happen. We are praying every day that everything goes smoothly for our next pregnancy.

Life Doesn't Go As Planned

May 4, 2015

Today marks 11 years since John and I have been together and it is the same day as our first ultrasound. Can today be any better?!?!? So we arrive at the doctors very anxious to meet our little angel.

After a few minutes during the ultrasound, I ask the sonographer, "Am I suppose to be seeing anything?" She quickly said, "That's not for me to discuss with you. Your doctor will discuss everything." Inside, my heart dropped. My worst fear was coming true. All throughout my pregnancy I was worried that I wasn't really pregnant. At this point, I have not seen the baby or heard a heartbeat, so a little part of me always wondered What if I am not really pregnant?

The ultrasound continued and I started seeing objects with the heatwaves showing that there was something there. I swear I was seeing a head, arms and legs. However, the sonographer didn't say anything to us. But when I saw this I thought everything was okay. The sonographer turned on the sound to hear the hearbeat and I heard some type of noise, but she quickly shut it off. The sonographer never said "This is your babies heartbeat." She just continued on with the ultrasound. Being this was our first ultrasound ever, we didn't know what was exactly suppose to happen and even if she was even suppose to talk to us. At this point, I wasn't really worried since I thought I saw something.

We went back into the waiting room to meet with the doctor. We were sitting there anxiously and couldn't wait to see the doctor. We waited for 1 1/2 hours until the doctor finally called us!!! At this point, I would wait forever to finally see the doctor and see our baby.

Once we met with the doctor, she quickly told us that at this time in our pregnancy she should be able to see a baby in the ultrasound and she didn't see anything. As soon as she said that, my heart dropped and I felt devastated. I didn't understand.. What did she mean she couldn't see the baby??? I'm 12 weeks pregnant, she should be able to see the baby. As she started to explain that I had a miscarriage, I started to cry and all I could think about was I lost my baby.

This was not what I was expecting to hear. This was suppose to be our best day ever, not the worst day. As she explain, I was pregnant and I was still pregnant. Just the egg never actually formed into a baby. My HCG levels were still high and all the fluids like a pregnant person was suppose to gain was building (hence the weight gain and stomach bulge). I started asking her, was this because I was a vegetarian, was I working out too much, was there anything I did that cause this? Her answer to it all was "No." This is just something that happens to people.

The doctor informed me that she was going to do some blood work to check my HCG levels and then to come back again in two days to do the same blood work. She said that if I wasn't having a miscarriage then the blood work should show the HCG levels increasing. If the level increased then we would have another ultrasound to see what was going on with the baby. If the levels decreased then that was the sign that I was having a miscarriage. So now it is the waiting game... until Thursday I would not know if I had a miscarriage or not.

Finally starting to show!

These picture were not taken the same day. The top two pictures were taken when I just found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks. The bottom pictures were taken today, when I was 11 weeks and 5 days. Guess I am showing now :)

Right now, I am in the awkward stage as not being my normal weight to not looking noticeably pregnant. Right now, I just feel fat.... still fitting into my normal clothes, but having to put on loose fitting shirts so that my stomach doesn't look like I need another size up on my pants (haha!). I know, I know I'm pregnant. It doesn't help when someone tells you that they can see my puuuudge. I really hate that word!

Since I see myself everyday I haven't really noticed the different in my belly. Plus since I haven't had an ultrasound yet, I still feel like it isn't real that I am pregnant. So I decided to take a "belly selfie." I was very shocked when I compared the difference from when I first found out until now. I guess I really am starting to show now.

I am looking forward to the ultrasound tomorrow and finally meeting our little peanut!!

Week 11

Today Is: May 2, 2015
How far long: 11 weeks
Baby is the Size of: Lime
Weight Gain: 0 pounds
Stretch Marks: Nope
Maternity Clothes: Not yet, but I did break off a button of one of my work pants this week! Getting the belly band now :) 
Sleep: Still waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
Best Moment this Week: John helping me with the dishes this week :) He is really spoiling me!
Worst Moment this Week: First time having a major break out due to my pregnancy
Miss Anything: Raw sushi
Cravings: Cookies
Queasy or sick: None
Symptoms:  Headaches more frequently
Have You Started Showing Yet: No
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy
Looking Forward To: My birthday tomorrow, our first ultrasound and going back home to visit my family this week!

Week 10

Today Is: April 26, 2015
How far long: 10 weeks
Baby is the Size of: Prune
Weight Gain: 0 pounds
Stretch Marks: Nope
Maternity Clothes: Nope and still didn't get the belly band.
Sleep: Waking Up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
Best Moment this Week: John finished the chalkboard and I was able to have my first week posted with it :)
Worst Moment this Week: Not being able to stay up and watch my shows live. Thank goodness for my DVR! Also, realized I am no longer a size small :(
Miss Anything: Wine
Cravings: None
Queasy or sick: None
Symptoms:  Tiredness and some headaches
Have You Started Showing Yet: No
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy
Looking Forward To: Our first ultrasound on May 4th

Week 9

Baby Zegarra is the size of a strawberry this week!

With the theme of strawberries, I made a strawberry shortcake cheesecake! It was delicious! 

Today Is: April 19, 2015
How far long: 9 weeks
Baby is the Size of: Wild Strawberry
Weight Gain: 1 pounds
Stretch Marks: Nope
Maternity Clothes: Nope, but my clothes are still tight. I was debating on buying the belly band because I am worried I might split my workpants :) Didn't get it this weekend, but maybe next weekend.
Sleep: Waking Up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
Best Moment this Week: Met my doctor on Thursday and I love her! I got to schedule our first ultrasound to see the baby :) We go on May 4th, which is John and I 11th year anniversary!!! Such a great date to see the baby for the first time!
Worst Moment this Week: Having a headache for three days
Miss Anything: Sushi!
Cravings: Mexican food
Queasy or sick: Queasy and headaches
Symptoms:  Nausea in the morning, getting tired and headaches
 Have You Started Showing Yet: No
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy
Looking Forward To: John finishing the chalkboard this week! I can't wait to take my first picture by it!

Week 8

John almost finishing up the Chalkboard. Keeping my fingers crossed that next week I will have my first photo with it!

Our first pack of diapers for baby Zegarra! Now the question... which diaper brand is better? Pampers or Huggies???

Today Is: April 12, 2015
How far long: 8 weeks
Baby is the Size of: Southern Pecan
Weight Gain: 0 pounds
Stretch Marks: Nope
Maternity Clothes: Nope, but my clothes are still tight.
Sleep: Waking Up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and feeling nauseous
Best Moment this Week: I was on Spring Break this week, so John and I had a lot of quality time. We even made a garden! Eating healthy for the baby :) We even bought our first pack of diapers!
Worst Moment this Week: Got nauseous at the gym while working out and had to run to the bathroom to throw up :(
Miss Anything: Lox on my bagels
Cravings: Chips and Salsa
Queasy or sick: Queasy
Symptoms:  Nausea in the morning and getting a little tired
 Have You Started Showing Yet: No
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy
Looking Forward To: My doctors appointment on Thursday and being able to schedule the ultrasound. Can't wait to finally see the baby!!!

Week 7

Today Is: April 1, 2015
How far long: 7 weeks
Baby is the Size of: Blueberry
Weight Gain: 2 pounds (think it is because I am eating too much ice cream... haha!)
Stretch Marks: Nope
Maternity Clothes: Nope, but my clothes are still tight.
Sleep: Waking Up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
Best Moment this Week: Getting a surprise present in the mail. John got me the fruit water infuser with some baby books and of course comic books for him :) I went to the doctors today, but only did paperwork and blood work.
Worst Moment this Week: Thought I would be able to schedule the ultrasound, but I have to have a physical by a doctor first.
Miss Anything: Nothing
Cravings: So over the ice cream, not really craving anything in particular.
Queasy or sick: Queasy
Symptoms:  Nausea in the morning and getting a little tired. Taking naps on the weekend.
Have You Started Showing Yet: No
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy
Looking Forward To: The chalkboard almost being done and seeing the baby for the first time. 

Week 6

Today Is: March 22, 2015
How far long: 6 weeks
Baby is the Size of: Sweet Pea
Weight Gain: 1 pounds
Stretch Marks: Nope
Maternity Clothes: Nope, but my clothes are getting a little tighter.
Sleep: Waking Up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
Best Moment this Week: Not feeling to nauseous and taking the doggies to the beach
Worst Moment this Week: Not being able to see the doctors appointment until next week.
Miss Anything: Vino!
Cravings: Ice Cream
Queasy or sick: Queasy
Symptoms:  Nausea in the morning (sometimes)
Have You Started Showing Yet: No
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy
Looking Forward To: The chalkboard almost being done.

Telling John's Family

It was so hard not to tell John's family right away. I know his parents would be just as excited as my family. However, we wanted to wait to tell them in person and not over the phone since we don't live too far from them. Since John works every other weekend, we had to wait two weeks to tell them. When we got there I wanted to John to give him mom the present right away, but for some reason he didn't. I kept texting him and looking at him to do it, but it took him FoReVeR to give them the gift. Finally, after what seemed like eternity he finally told his mom that we got her an early Easter present. When she opened it up she started to cry. I knew she was going to be excited, but I didn't expect her to cry. It made me so happy!

Week 5

Today Is: March 18, 2015
How far long: 5 weeks
Baby is the Size of: Sesame Seed
Weight Gain: 0 pounds
Stretch Marks: Nope
Maternity Clothes: Nope
Sleep: Waking Up in the Middle of the Night, but able to go back to sleep
Best Moment this Week: Getting the frame for the chalkboard to announce week-by-week. Plus going to the doctors to take the urine test to prove I was pregnant. Plus, John was able to drink the last wine that our friend, Lauryn, got us as an engagement present.
Worst Moment this Week: Not being able to tell the world that I am pregnant.
Miss Anything: Vino!
Cravings: Ice Cream
Queasy or sick: Queasy
Symptoms:  Nausea in the morning
Have You Started Showing Yet: No
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy
Looking Forward To: John finishing the chalkboard so I can start taking pictures week-by-week

Telling My Family

My dad was coming in town the same week I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited to tell him, but I wanted to tell him with John and since he was at work until Friday, I knew it had to wait until then :(  So I picked my dad up from the airport and it was the hardest thing not to say anything to him the moment I saw him. I went on my day as normal... we went out to dinner & had to skip the wine part :(:(:(  I accidently told him that I was feeling nauseous that day and he even asked me if I was pregnant and quickly said "No!" The day before he came, I purchased the cookie cake, so I couldn't wait to eat it for desert on Friday. We went around town and the whole day I was very excited to go home and have dessert. I even mentioned a few times during the day that I had dessert at the house. After we got home from dinner I gave it a few moments and took out the cake. When my dad looked at it he couldn't believe what he was reading. He was over the moon and back! I sent my mom a picture of the cake and she quickly read it and called me. They both were thrilled and couldn't wait to be grandparents again!

Week 4

Today Is: March 11, 2015
How far long: 4 weeks (Just found out!!!)
Baby is the Size of: Poppy seed
Weight Gain: 0 pounds
Stretch Marks: Nope
Maternity Clothes: Nope
Sleep: I am sleeping like a baby :)
Best Moment this Week: Finding out that I was pregnant
Worst Moment this Week: On Thursday, I felt nauseous all day. I barely ate anything. However, I felt much better on Friday. On Saturday, I felt even worse. I just kept saying "It can't be because I am pregnant. I just found out. It has to be something else." I couldn't eat anything all day, felt so nauseous. Eventually, after feeling terrible I threw up and felt much better. Everyone thought it was because of morning sickness, but I didn't think I could feel it that quickly. I still kept saying it was something else.  When I got home, I took my temperature and had a 101.4 fever! I knew it was something else. So it wasn't morning sickness, it was some type of stomach bug!
Miss Anything: Wanting to eat food. Since the stomach bug, I haven't really wanted to eat anything. If you know me, you know how much I LoVe food!
Cravings: Nothing
Queasy or sick: Both
Symptoms:  Nausea in the morning
Have You Started Showing Yet: No
Gender Prediction: Chinese Gender Calendar says it is a BoY!
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Moody (think it is because I am not feeling 100%)
Looking Forward To: Feeling better and wanting to eat :)

How I told John... March 10, 2015

John and I have been trying to conceive since December 2014. Unfortunately, it didn't happen the first time. I have been tracking my ovulation every month and I knew that my period was suppose to come on March 10. However, I was very anxious and was going to a girls night out that weekend before so I went to Walmart and got a box of three pregnancy test. Now this wasn't my first time getting a pregnancy test and I made the mistake the first time buying a box of two test. Being new to taking a pregnancy test, the first time I took it I thought I did it wrong and only had one more test. So this time, in case I messed up, I bought three!

So before I went out for the girls wine night out I took a pregnancy test, just in case I was pregnant. However, it was negative. I was of course disappointed, but I took it four days before my missed period, so I was still hopeful. Now John was working this weekend, so I wanted to take another one on Sunday, so in case it was positive I was able to prepare a big surprise. So I took the second one on Sunday and like before it was negative. So since I was smart this time and bought a box of three pregnancy test I left the last one to take on the day I was suppose to get my period in case it didn't come. Now, my periods are very regular and I knew if I didn't get it by the afternoon the day it was due that it was a good probability that I was pregnant.

Anxiously, on my break I went to the bathroom and took the test. Looking at it, the test quickly turned positive and I was so excited!!!! Just like you see it in the movies, I started to cry tears of joy! So quickly, I went to my computer and started creating the items that I wanted to make to surprise John.

Now, it was taking a little longer than I expected to make it, so I told John that I had to stay a little later at work to finish up some things. I also wanted to stop by Walmart to get some things to decorate the surprise. I had to tell John today because he was going to work for the next two days and when he goes to work he has to stay overnight. Plus, my dad was coming into town Thursday, so I wanted to have the chance to tell John alone and enjoy the surprise together.

Everything was falling into place. I felt like God really wanted us to be pregnant this month because my dad was coming into town and it was a great surprise to give him since we recently booked the trip.

After work, I went to Walmart and picked up another pregnancy test (just in case). I picked one that read the words "pregnant" and "not pregnant" so it was easy for him to read. Also, I picked up a gift bag and some decorations to make everything look nice. After I purchased the items, I went to the bathroom to take the pregnancy test because John was home and I knew I wasn't going to have all the privacy in the world to take it.

When the test showed "pregnant" I was even more excited. I had the second confirmation. So in the parking lot I got everything ready and stuffed the gift bag in my purse so John wouldn't see it when I got home.

I was lucky when I got home because John was in the bedroom on the phone so it gave me some time to get things ready. I quickly put everything on the table and waited for John to get off the phone. When he left the bedroom I told him I got him a gift and handed him the card.

If you know me, I love taking pictures, so it wasn't a surprise to John that I was taking pictures of him reading the card. After he read the card, I don't think he fully understood what it meant. But, as soon as he opened the present, he quickly knew. He was very excited and happy!

About Me

Hi!!! My name is Jackie Zegarra. I currently live in a small town in North Carolina, but my husband, John, and I grew up our whole lives in South Florida. We have two small fur babies, Gizmo and Zoey who we love so much! We are expecting baby # 1.

Here is our story: 

John and I are high school sweethearts and we have been together for 11 years. We had the same geometry class and he sat in the row behind me. However, even though we never talked we both coincidentally joined the same water polo team. Throughout practice we never spoke or even acknowledged each other. Until one day.... we were on the way home from a game on the school bus and I saw this cute guy with curly hair sitting by himself looking lonely. I approached him and asked him if he was okay. He invited me to sit on his lap and that is how it all started. The next day in class we talked and eventually a friendship lead to a relationship. We have been together since May 2004. Starting a relationship so young was not always easy. However, through all of our ups and downs, we have stayed together, grew together and learned what love really means together. 

Our life changed on November 2011. John joined the United States Coast Guard. Semper Paratus! He has loved every moment of it and it has made our relationship stronger. Military life is not easy to get used to, but we have learned from it and grew stronger together. Our first moved brought us to St. Pete, Florida. We were very excited about this move because it wasn't too far from our family and only heard great reviews about St. Pete. 

We spent two great years in St. Pete and met life long friends on our kickball team there. We were very sad to leave this beautiful and fun place. Unfortunately, it was time to move on and our next billet brought us to a small town, New Bern, NC. It was truly a God sent because just like before we are not too far from family. John's family lives in Raleigh, which is only a quick 2 hour trip. 

After finally getting married October 17, 2014 we are now expecting baby # 1 in November 2015. Anyone who knows John, knows how long John has wanted his own family. If it was up to him, we would have four children by now! We are so excited to begin this new journey and to share every moment with you!